Here's the Scoop: July 30, 2014
Details are fuzzy
Dryer fuzz. We’ve all seen it. There’s no use pretending it doesn’t exist.
Awhile back, I offered a bit of info about how we’ve started collecting dryer fuzz to be combined with wax and turned into “fire starters.” Sustainability at it’s finest.
What I failed to detail in that column was the source of our dryer fuzz — well, at least a large portion of this drying byproduct. It’s me.
Not physically. Well, I don’t usually talk about personal grooming habits in this space, but I’ll admit in print that I am fond of blowing my nose. It’s not like a hobby or anything, I just think it’s a good for one’s overall health. Of course, those who know me well, always manage to blow me away with handkerchiefs on gift-giving occasions. These are gifts that I truly appreciate and use. They are something to sneeze at, if you will.
Unfortunately, despite my impressive collection of these items, I don’t always have a handkerchief handy when I need one, so I use tissue. This is where the problems start. Because it’s unsanitary to leave tissues just lying around, I often stuff them into my pockets. Do you see where this is headed? Being shrewd readers, you certainly do!
Always be prepared
As a bit of an obsessive/compulsive person, I tend to have not just one tissue in any particular pair of pants or shorts, but many. Over the years, it’s safe to say, “more than my share” of tissues have escaped the pre-laundry screening and wound up in the washer and dryer. It’s messy stuff and clings tighter than a Hooters waitress’ outfit.
I have been informed on numerous occasions over the years that it’s much easier to remove a tissue from one’s clothing before it goes into the washer and dryer. Take my word for it — this is a true statement. A relatively small tissue that has little weight and a small surface area expands in the dryer like a Peep marshmallow candy in a microwave. The big difference is that tissue doesn’t expand in one piece — hundreds is pretty accurate. The amount of tissue chunks that can scatter throughout the dryer almost defies the laws of…something. Let’s just say, it’s a mess.
Learning a lesson. Again and again.
Did I mention that I’ve “learned from experience” and generally scour my pockets pretty thoroughly before my pants go into the laundry? Sometimes, though, a random tissue makes its way into a shirt pocket. I don’t always check there. Refer to “mess” reference in previous paragraph.
My immediate reaction to a dryer full of fuzz-covered clothing is usually something like: “Someone must have thrown that tissue in after the load was started!” Sure, that’s lame, but it’s difficult to admit that I’ve somehow overlooked a tissue (or maybe multiple tissues) — again!
My wife sometimes has a hard time understanding how I consistently let these tissues slip past the “pocket test.” She posed this question to me the other day — not for the first time.
“Who nose how it happens? Let’s just say I blew it again,” I responded.
— Brian Sweeney