Ban the assault hammer
To The Editor:
Assault hammers are the scourge of America. Because more people are murdered with hammers than with rifles, we have to ban them now. We need to register all hammers, including carpenter’s hammers, mechanic’s hammers, and masonry hammers. And, only licensed carpenters, mechanics, and professionals can possess them if they are registered and kept locked up when not in use. Handles and hammerheads should be locked up separately and only put together when in use.
Even through the hammer was a great tool that helped build America, illegal possession of a hammer should be a felony with a minimum prison term of five years. The use of a hammer in the commission of a crime should be punishable up to life in prison. We should implement buy-back programs for hammers and give the American people a chance to either register or voluntarily turn in their hammers.
Let’s just use some common sense. You don’t need an assault hammer (sledge or larger hammer) to kill a deer. We should implement laws giving the right to law enforcement to enter any house or business and confiscate any hammers that are not legally registered. We have to implement hammer-free zones across America. Maybe we should even ban all images of hammers and take the word hammer out of the English language.
We should start a new government bureaucracy called Department of Undoing Murder by Bludgeoning Across Sensible States. Its head will be the D.U.M.B. A.S.S. Czar. We can pay for the cost of this, which will be billions of dollars by taking some of the trillions of dollars of lottery money that doesn’t go to education, if we can find out where it went.
People don’t kill people. Hammers kill people. Are we a nation of men or a nation of laws?
Ban the hammer before it’s too late.